Flesh-light
by Hyper Kid
Summary: Why would anyone need to own a flesh-light when they live near Denmark? Iceland asks, but the answer might be a little more... interactive than he was expecting. Voyeur!Iceland, Denmark/Norway DK/NO


HK: Hello again! I found the most wonderful thing in the world on my holidays in Iceland, and, being me, OF COURSE I had to give it some much needed porn! You would not believe how little I found hanging around on the internet, kids. TWO FICS? TWO FICS? Aww hell no. I'll drop in with some fluff, adventure, and cuddly shit later on, but first... first it's time for the hardcore porn. This story is based around the events of Humon's Scandinavia and the World comic, Party time. It is also up on deviantart under teenbeen42, and there it has all the good links!

Disclaimer: I still own nothing, but I did subscribe on !

WARNINGS! I... I tried to write serious sexy porn. I tried ~so hard~. But Denmark happened. So along with smut I had better warn you about hella weird explicit language.

Iceland had known all along that Sweden ~probably~ actually wanted them to bring six toys to his party. They spelled the number the same way, after all, and Sweden was too much of a prude to actually set up an orgy for the lot of them.

But along with sparkles, a gate of hell, and actual demons, Iceland had an imp of mischief in him.

When he'd heard Denmark enthusing with Norway about how Sweden was ~finally~ loosening up, and known none of the other Nordics were going to twig to what Sweden really wanted, well. He didn't have especially many of his own sex toys (most of which he'd either been given by or stolen from Denmark; they had a long enough history that both agreed Denmark owed him gratification), but he did have a good sized butt plug that he figured he'd bring along just to confuse the hell out of the others (and back into Hekla where it belonged).

They were all good about respecting his asexuality, but that really wasn't the same as understanding it.

Which, honestly, he did prefer. Naughty little mischief imps thrived much better on confusion, and especially Denmark was a lot of fun to wind up.

He had wondered before he left whether they might question him showing up to an orgy at all, but they never really questioned anything he did, ever since they saw his penis museum. Meeting up at Sweden's door, he'd been mildly surprised to find Denmark had only brought one dildo (no one but Greenland and the Faroes were more acquainted with Denmark's wide variety of tools for fucking his fellow nations with than Iceland), but more surprised by Norway's contribution.

"A flesh-light?" He asked later, once Sweden had stopped screaming at them all and had a brief sit down, leaving his snickering guests around a food table. Norway cocked his head to one side, a little puzzled by the question.

"Yeah, why?" Running into his little brother at the "orgy" had been something he hadn't actually considered earlier, but then he and Iceland had always been... extra close. Not as close as Denmark would have liked (provided he got to watch), but close enough that this wasn't their first sex discussion.

"That was sorta my question," Iceland agreed, gesturing at Norway's toy with his trusty butt plug. "Why would you bring a flesh-light to an orgy? Why do you even own one? You and Denmark are neighbours."

He had thought Denmark might be upset at the idea of Norway preferring to fuck a toy over him, but Denmark hadn't batted a lash when they'd all been comparing toys earlier. A wide grin spread across Norway's face as understanding dawned.

"Oh, that? Well, Sweden didn't invite any women to the party, which usually means we'll end up with one dick which doesn't have anywhere to go." He said it all very normally, as though orgy planning with Sweden was something which happened often enough that this was well established.

If that were the case, Iceland had to admit it fit with Sweden's anal retentive scheduling (as did his butt plug) but he'd have expected Sweden to bring it. Still, he wasn't going to question exactly how his big brother had worked this out. He had other questions.

"So you've used it before with Denmark? He looked like it was very normal when you brought it out," he explained further when Norway began looking puzzled again. A mischievous glint appeared in the older nation's eye then, the rarely seen twin of Iceland's own moments of wickedness.

"Would you like to see?" The question might almost be simply teasing, playing sex-chicken to see who would back away first. But Norway knew all too well how Iceland felt about anything which might be a challenge. Extreme sports, bicycle chicken with Denmark and Netherlands (which was a far more dangerous sport than base jumping into volcanoes), Iceland was there for it.

"Okay," he agreed easily, reacting to the challenge in his brother's voice and puffing up just a little. A second thought tried to make itself heard when Norway's grin only spread, but he mostly ignored it. Denmark ~had~ started the porn trend, after all.

Reaching one broad arm into the party almost at random, Norway managed to scoop Denmark to his side without effort, though the smaller man didn't actually stop his sentence to Finland right away.

"- and that's really too small to be considered a branch anyway. What's up Norway?" He smiled up at the larger man, tucked in comfortably against his side. Norway's increasingly lascivious smile didn't seem to bother him at all.

"Iceland was wondering how we use the flesh-light." His voice was lower, more intimate to stop the other guests from listening in.

Iceland's cheeks flushed just a little, and he prepared for some sarcastic comment about how they weren't hard to work out, or that he'd been masturbating wrong. Denmark, though, took another swig of beer and grinned.

"Oh, that! Sometimes he lets me fuck it while he fucks me, and sometimes he fucks me with it, that way I get a really big stretch and he still gets a tight hole." His voice was cheery and matter of fact, not slurred enough to be drunk. Iceland considered this, giving the flesh-light still in Norway's hand (now draped along Denmark's side and down to his hip) a sceptical look.

He had actually gotten as far as opening his mouth to challenge just how much Denmark was happy to take when he remembered that yeah, the giant butt plug he'd brought to the party had actually been the older man's originally. His eyes darted down to the plug, and the other nations grinned, both watching the gesture.

"Maybe you'd like to try it, Iceland? To have something different stretching you open?" Denmark purred, gesturing with his handy beer bottle. Norway nuzzled the smaller man's messy blond hair, his arm tightening just a little more tightly around his more slender body.

"I was just thinking Iceland might want to watch you take it, actually," he murmured, eyes still fixed on his younger brother.

Something which still wasn't quite over Denmark's past dickery when they'd been living together gave a resounding yes, but overall he wasn't quite sure. It might be a little... odd. But Denmark was certainly keen on the idea, shifting his hips around to press himself up against Norway's thick thigh.

"Gonna fuck me in front of your little brother, are you?" His voice had gone low and breathy, and Iceland noticed suddenly that Norway's hand had moved right down to Denmark's slender ass, and was pressing the flesh-light against where the smaller man's entrance would be under his clothes.

Iceland swallowed, wondering if he should call the whole thing off right here... fuck it.

"Just watching?" He clarified, forcing his eyes up to his much bulkier brother's face. It wasn't like he didn't enjoy porn.

Norway's grin spread, a now visible bulge nudging into Denmark's stomach where the two were pressed together.

"Just watching," he agreed, slipping the flesh-light into the back pocket of Denmark's jeans so his hand could slip inside to grope pale flesh.

"Unless you wanna do more," Denmark cut in happily, and Norway's hand squeezed for a moment around a firm cheek. Denmark pouted, but let the correction stand.

Iceland glanced around quickly; Sweden and Finland were "arguing" again, Sweden getting steadily louder while Finland's knife flailing grew steadily more vehement, and Åland was already heading over and looking purposeful. They probably wouldn't even notice if they slipped away.

The idea of watching Denmark even try to have sex outdoors at Sweden's place, the backyards roaming with moose, was hilarious but definitely not practical.

"The guest room?" He suggested, nodding towards the stairs. Denmark giggled, taking another swig of his almost empty beer.

"I was gonna say Sweden's bed but the guest room works too," he conceded. Norway chuckled low in his throat, one hand now moving steadily in the back of Denmark's jeans. Iceland couldn't be sure, but he suspected Norway already had at least a finger inside the smaller blond.

"I don't think you'd enjoy what Åland would do if he caught us," the tallest of the three muttered, kissing Denmark's temple and removing his hand from the other's pants only to give his ass a quick smack. "Get Iceland up there and get started, I'll bring the lube."

Denmark shivered happily at the smack, grabbing Iceland's free hand and pulling him quickly towards the stairs. Iceland hurried alongside the other man, unable to deny a rising tingle of excitement.

Who knew Sweden would actually have succeeded in setting up a sex party, if only by accident?

Denmark pushed Iceland quickly into the spare bedroom, pulling the door closed behind him and hurriedly stripping off his shirt.

"Move the chair to the wall facing the bed," he ordered, his grin already wide enough to nearly split his face. Iceland didn't need telling twice, already moving the chair into position to get the best view possible.

Denmark didn't seem interested in the bed without Norway there though, and was lazily stroking a palm over the line of his hardening dick through his jeans.

Iceland was abruptly harshly reminded of that one day the Nordics had gotten bored together and measured their dick size, and he had his first real misgiving about the whole thing. Nothing much had been made of it since, but he knew he was a lot smaller than Norway, and much, much smaller than Denmark.

Watching Denmark take the whole of the flesh-light suddenly seemed a stark reminder of just why he didn't usually bother getting involved with other people; too many judgements, too much effort, for something that he himself just didn't care about.

Denmark seemed to read some of his hesitation in his stiffening shoulders, though, and slunk closer, slipping an arm around the younger man's shoulders.

"It's okay not to be as big as me, you know," he purred, though his voice carried a hint of teasing to it. "We all know you're the youngest; plenty of time to grow." His hand slipped down, cupping Iceland's crotch for a moment and squeezing.

"And you're just the right size to take into my mouth and suck on like a lollipop. I bet I could slurp on your whole cock without gagging, play my tongue right up against your balls and drink your cum like it was brennivin," he had moved closer as he spoke, pressing his swelling erection into Iceland's hip and murmuring filthy words directly into his ear.

He felt the younger man hardening under his hand, felt his cock twitch at the suggestions, and wondered if he might ~finally~ get a taste of what they'd all been denied for so long.

Even Iceland considered it for a moment, his hips aching to press forward into the friction of Denmark's hand.

But just then the door opened, Norway coming in with a large bottle of cherry lube, and Iceland stepped away from Denmark with a wicked grin.

"I think you're gonna be busy with my brother's dick tonight, Denmark," he teased, moving back to take a seat in the chair. Denmark's seductive manner crumpled immediately into a pout which he turned on Norway as the larger man shut the door and set the lube down on the bedside table.

"Nor-waaaaay! Iceland was gonna let me suck his cock!" Norway ignored the whining tone, pulling the half naked man firmly against him once more and cupping his chin to tilt Denmark's face up to his.

"You'll just have to settle for mine, won't you?" He replied easily, leaning down enough to press a kiss to Denmark's pouting lips. True to form, Denmark brightened up at once, his hands already moving to the button on the other man's trousers.

"Gonna fuck my face before you fuck my ass, big boy?" He cooed, one hand reaching straight in to curl around Norway's thick shaft.

Not as long as Denmark's, his cock was still wonderfully thick, and covered with the same tightly coiled blond curls as his head and chest. Denmark could play with those corkscrew curls all day, but having an audience was making him want to get down to business.

Norway ran a hand through Denmark's shaggy hair, gripping a handful in his fist to tilt Denmark's head back for another, rougher kiss.

"Only if you're a good boy and get yourself stretched for me," he promised, nodding towards the bottle of lube.

Denmark grabbed it eagerly, shoving both jeans and underwear to the floor without a second thought and letting his fully erect dick bounce up to bob in the air as he sank quickly to his knees.

He glanced briefly at Iceland, still sat in his chair and watching them apparently unsure of what to do with his hands, one of his own curling around Norway's exposed shaft. He shot the younger nation a wink before leaning forward, taking just the tip between his lips and hollowing his cheeks to suck on it.

He was fully aware Iceland wouldn't be able to watch without wondering exactly how it would feel, without wondering what those plump lips would be like around his cock. He was holding out hope that Iceland would let him blow him before they were through anyway, especially if he put on a good show.

He made sure to take it slow, letting Norway slip deeper into his throat a millimetre at a time, eyes locked on those sweet blue eyes he loves so much. Norway did his best to keep his breathing even, his handful of hair becoming a caress across Denmark's scalp which is equal parts soothing and possessive.

It's Denmark's second favourite thing about blowing Norway, and he moaned softly around the thick cock in his mouth. Norway's eyes fluttered shut for a moment at the vibration, his hips bucking forwards just a little, and Denmark began to speed up.

He knew he wasn't getting a mouthful right off, not with Norway in such a kinky mood, but he still loved this part.

Loved giving someone he cared so deeply about so much pleasure, loved feeling the evidence that Norway cared for him too, hot and hard in his throat but not thrusting or trying to force him to take more like some of the others did.

And knowing that soon, he was going to have that nice thick cock inside him, that Norway was probably gonna be extra rough, given how worked up he was about their audience... Denmark loved their gentle sessions, loved how Norway would hold him like he was something immeasurably precious and beautiful, but oh he loved when Norway wanted to take him hard too.

Sometimes it was because he was jealous Denmark had spent a little too much time in someone else's bed, sometimes it was just because he wanted some spice. Whichever it was, Norway could turn from cuddly giant into the only bear Denmark ever intended to be within a million miles of.

And as that large hand tightened in his hair again, Denmark moaned softly at the thought. Norway's voice was still that low, lusty growl as he tugged Denmark's hot mouth away from his cock. "I thought I told you to prepare yourself," he admonished, giving Denmark's hair a gentle tug which made the slighter man moan again, his own cock twitching.

"What are you gonna do about it?" The scruffy blond asked, a challenging smile curling the corners of that lovely mouth. One of Norway's brows rose just a little, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Looks like I'll just have to prepare you myself." Given their relative differences in size, it wasn't hard for him to lift Denmark bodily, taking a moment to suck a mark onto the side of the happily squirming man's neck before dropping him down onto the bed. If the way Denmark clutched at the older man was any indication, he ~really~ enjoyed being tossed around.

Norway followed him down to the sheets quickly, letting calloused fingers skim lightly over the smooth skin of Denmark's hip. Denmark pressed up into the touch, reaching for curly hair to pull Norway down into a hungry kiss. Norway let him, large hands sliding over that lithely squirming body.

Iceland felt his throat tighten along with his pants as he watched them, one hand slipping down to squeeze himself through his jeans. Norway didn't let Denmark distract him for long, though, strong hands sliding slowly up Denmark's arms and guiding them up to the headboard of the bed. "Hold on," he warned Denmark, nipping the lush lips as Denmark pouted. Still, the younger blond complied, maintaining his grip on the headboard even when Norway drew his own hands away.

He spread his legs further, though, arching his back to display his assets more alluringly to both Norway and Iceland. Iceland had to bite his lip to stop himself from telling the two to just get on with it; Norway was enjoying showing off too much. He wasn't entirely sure exactly when his big brother had retrieved the flesh-light, but it was on the bed with them now, lying tantalizingly against Denmark's hip.

Denmark's eyes kept flicking down to it, anticipation bright and hungry. Norway was ignoring it at the moment though, instead tracing the lines along the inside of his thighs but never quite making it all the way to the leaking shaft at their apex.

Iceland might almost think he'd been forgotten, until Norway actually spoke to him. "He knows how to be a good boy when he wants to be... going to put on a nice show for you." Denmark nodded eagerly, planting his feet on the bed and spreading his legs as wide as he could, still gripping the headboard firmly.

Norway let out a low, rumbling chuckle, letting one finger finally trace up the length of Denmark's leaking cock. "He's going to stay nice and still while I fuck him open, aren't you Den?" When his fingers reached the head, he flicked it gently, making it bob and Denmark squirm, keening. Norway smirked, taking the lube from where Denmark had basically dropped it, slowly slicking up the fingers of one hand. "And if he's very good, I'll show you how we use the flesh-light with friends."

Denmark bit his lower lip, looking over through long lashes as Iceland shivered just a little. Having an audience was a lot more fun than he'd been anticipating; just knowing that Iceland was there, watching, pleasuring himself as Norway kept up feather-light touches all along Denmark's thighs and groin, made Denmark itch to thrust into Norway's hand. He knew he couldn't, knew Norway would want to punish him if he moved, but it was a close thing when the first slick finger pressed against his hole.

Almost out of habit Denmark relaxed, letting Norway in with as little resistance as possible. It was part of why he hadn't bothered starting to prepare himself when told; he ~loved~ Norway's hands. So big, rougher than his own fingers, yet always so incredibly gentle. Norway was determined to tease him too, rocking just the tip of his finger in and out of him, barely even past the first knuckle. Not enough, not nearly enough, but too much for Denmark to ignore, it wasn't long before he was begging, rocking his hips down to try and get Norway to take him in deeper, regardless of punishment.

Iceland's throat had gone dry, utterly unable to take his eyes from the place where just the tips of Norway's fingers disappeared into the slighter man, and he groaned in echo with Denmark when Norway pulled his fingers back. The scruffy blond shot a grin at his little brother, reaching over to pick up the abandoned flesh-light. "Maybe you need a little something to take the edge off, hmm? Before we can properly play for our guest."

Denmark's eyes were dark with lust and he seemed to be having a little trouble focusing as he stared at Norway's hand. He nodded eagerly when he worked out what his large lover was thinking.

"Yes! Please?" His wide blue eyes were beseeching, and utterly adorable as he turned them on Norway's face. Norway laughed as he gripped the base of Denmark's cock, slipping the flesh-light over and down to the base.

Denmark groaned in pleasure, his hips thrusting up into the toy in a rhythm Iceland found himself mimicking with his own hand in his lap. Wound up as he was, Denmark was almost oblivious to Norway's other hand until a long finger was finally thrust all the way inside him. The merry drunk screamed in over sensitised bliss as Norway found his prostate, bucking into the toy and Iceland was sure he'd just reached his first orgasm.

Hard as he was, Iceland gripped the base of his own cock, waiting. If he knew his brother, this would be a short intermission.

Norway drew the toy slowly off Denmark's cock, chuckling to himself as the panting Dane twitched feebly on the sheets.

"All done?" He teased, twisting his finger where it rested inside his lover. Denmark moaned loud and luxurious, one hand actually coming down off the headboard to try and pull him into a deep kiss.

Norway allowed it, pressing himself up against Denmark's soft skin for a moment and just revelling in the feel of him. He was flushed with pleasure, warm to the touch and ready for more, hooking a thigh around Norway's hips to lure him in closer. Norway contemplated denying him, thought about making him wait for the main event and really show Iceland how else they used that particular toy.

But his own erection was hot and heavy against his stomach, and a new idea gripped him that made him smile against Denmark's lips. His hand ran down and over Denmark's side to his hips, giving that luscious ass a squeeze even as he worked in a second finger. "Shall I fuck you now, pet?" He purred practically into his Dane's panting mouth. Two fingers glided over his prostate and Denmark groaned, his back arching to rub his chest up against Norway's.

"Yes," he moaned again, squirming and clenching his thighs to try and coax the larger man in. "Take me, Norway, let me feel you inside, wanna be split open so I feel you for days... wanna be filled with your hot cum and fucked until you fill me again and I can't walk down the stairs. I need you to stretch me wide, you gorgeous fucking mountain monkey, and hammer my tight little ass and grip it until you leave hand prints. If you don't take me right now I swear to beer I am going to flip you over and ride you, fuck myself on your rock hard dick until you see stars and cum hard enough to shoot me to the fucking ceiling."

Iceland felt his jaw drop and even Norway looked a little taken aback; it was very, very, ~very~ widely known that Denmark had a filthy mouth (Iceland had experienced it maybe twenty minutes ago) but that was... That right there was the first indication to Norway that Denmark had not forgotten that they had an audience. He could get more than a little overdramatic apparently. And he ~hadn't stopped~.

"We're going to paint every fucking wall in this room with cum and Iceland's gonna need a firehose to get us apart by the time I'm done with you. I'll tie you to this bed and we will do ~all~ the butt stuff," he shot an intense stare over at Iceland, "including the weird stuff," and his gaze flicked back to Norway, "unless you fuck me RIGHT NOW."

It took a moment for Norway to respond, his brain short circuiting somewhere between a rampaging orgy with Denmark and Sweden's reactions if they actually managed to do half the things he had described. Iceland's stifled laughter jerked him back to reality and he glanced up to see his brother shaking with mirth, a fist clamped in his mouth. Yes, Iceland was imagining that reaction from Sweden too.

Norway cleared his throat hurriedly when it looked like Denmark was about to move and make good on his "threats".

"Right... uh... get on your hands and knees, facing the chair." It was a little difficult to get himself back into the Master mindset after that little diversion and really he didn't try all that hard. He gave Denmark's ass a quick smack to get him moving, and the little blond bounced up quickly, grinning at the still giggling Iceland.

"Ram me hard big daddy, fill me with your manroot." How Denmark was managing to keep himself erect through both his recent orgasm and his fucking ridiculous dirty talk neither of the other nations could begin to guess, but even with his hand on his dick Iceland was laughing too hard to do any actual masturbating.

Norway slicked himself up quickly and thrust in, making a mental note to ask Denmark where the fuck "manroot" had come from as his eyes closed for a moment at the tight heat surrounding him. Denmark let out a low hiss of pleasure, clenching around the intrusion and rocking back to try and take him faster.

Norway smacked his ass again to "punish" him and Denmark moaned, a shudder running through his whole body. He loved being spanked while his ass was full, and he rocked back on Norway again just to get another smack. Norway obliged, smirking down at his lithe little lover as he braced one hand in the curve of his back, watching himself glide easily into Denmark's taut hole.

The eager little noises Denmark made seemed to slip under his skin as easily as he slipped into Denmark, making him move faster and rougher just to hear more of them. That sweet, wonderful friction around his shaft translated itself directly into his balls and he began to breathe more heavily, beginning to lose control.

His head dropped forward, his eyes closed as he adjusted his angle so that the head of his cock scraped over Denmark's prostate with every thrust, and the smaller man let out another screaming cry of ecstasy.

A different moan made Norway look up, his gaze finding its way to Iceland as his hips began to jerk just a little into his stroking hand. That hand gave Norway an idea and he leaned forward, pushing himself deeper into Denmark and making him cry out again as he picked up the flesh-light. It was a little more complicated to get it back over Denmark's dick without stopping his constant push into that sweet ass, but he managed eventually.

Denmark was in heaven; he loved sex, loved everything about it, whether he was fucking someone or being fucked and what he loved the best was both. Even the artificial friction of the silicon toy made his orgasm-sensitive cock jerk each time Norway slid it up to the root and the hot stretch in his ass as his prostate was continually stimulated made him moan and beg.

Louder and louder, as the motion on both ends blended itself together into a churning heat in his guts, a cresting wave of truly stupendous orgasm that had him spasming and twitching around Norway with the force of it, his head thrown back and a sticky splatter hitting his face, even as he heard Norway begin to grunt as his own completion took hold.

Norway rode his quaking body all the way to his own orgasm, and just as Denmark's arms gave way and he fell to the bed, the door burst open to reveal an enraged Sweden.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" The furious Swede demanded, puffed up in a display of temper usually reserved for Denmark alone.

If the way Åland was looking at him was any indication, his lover very much enjoyed seeing him like that. Denmark, on the other hand, couldn't seem to care less, not even waiting for Norway to pull out before surging to his knees, pumping his fists in the air triumphantly.

"ICELAND CAME ON MY FACE! SUCK IT SIS I TOLD YOU I WOULD GET HIM FIRST!" The fact that they had not technically had sex did not seem to occur to Denmark as he began a sort of jiggling victory dance on the bed.

Norway pulled out quickly, aided by his softening erection, because no matter how much he had enjoyed having Iceland as an audience he was NOT fucking Denmark in front of Sweden.

Today.

While Sweden was this angry.

Maybe later.

Iceland himself flushed cherry red as all eyes turned to him, and even his sparkles seemed to take on a pink tinge.

"This is why I don't bother with this stuff!" He told Norway with a frown which was distinctly more a pout, stuffing himself back into his trousers. Sweden didn't seem to know who to be furious with first.

And then he noticed Denmark still had the flesh-light dangling off his dick.

"DENMAAAAAARK!" He was about to pounce, but Åland grabbed him quickly and hauled him back. Denmark remained happily oblivious, hopping off the bed (the flesh-light dropped onto the floor) and began a lap of honour.

Iceland managed a smile, but really the dramatics were a little overblown even for him. Not to mention Denmark was dangerously close to becoming a dripping mess.

Norway, still on the bed, looked stuck between laughing, apologising, and tackling Denmark to force him into some clothes. He started by grabbing his boxers from the floor and pulling them on quickly, and then... Denmark danced his way merrily past Åland, Sweden, and Finland, and out the door.

Still stark naked.

Cum leaking slowly from his ass.

Sweden made a grab for him as he passed, war in his eyes, but Åland kept up a stream of soothing words into his lover's ear. Finland was shooting glares between the two and the direction Denmark had gone, clearly undecided as to who he should stab first.

Norway figured this was a choice he should not be allowed to make independently (not with Sweden as angry as he was), and darted to the door too, grabbing Finland's arm.

"Quick, come help me catch him before he gets-"

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!" The panicked shriek from outside made Norway groan, and he ran down the hall to rescue his lover without bothering to finish his sentence.

Finland was towed after him like a particularly reluctant balloon, leaving Iceland alone with Åland and a still fuming Sweden. He decided to try and sneak out past them, but before he could get far, Sweden rounded on him.

"I thought you at least might stop them if they started any of this crap!" And the world dissolved to the stage of ~Iceland~ apparently being the responsible adult. The smaller nation honestly could not figure out why.

Sweden huffed in an almost matronly fashion, turning his back resolutely on the soiled bed. "Aren't you the one that told ~him~," and a him that vehement could only be Denmark the streaker, "that you weren't into all... this!" Sweden gestured vaguely, cheeks still pinking up rather than explicitly talk about sex, even with Åland right next to him.

Iceland considered his options for a moment, glancing around him for the nearest window. It was closed, but not locked. He turned back to Sweden, contemplated giving him an actual explanation. Fuck it; they'd only forget it or be more confused later.

"I watch porn," he pointed out mildly impatiently, then grinned. "Consider yourself lucky that you don't have to repaint."

He didn't actually wait for Sweden's response to pan out, instead diving for the window and pushing it open one handed, rolling as he leapt onto the roof of the garage and parkouring down and away across the lawn. Denmark's little "speech" would probably have earned him a death sentence from Sweden, once the orderly blond had recovered enough from hearing it.

A little too late he realised he had abandoned his trusty butt plug, but he wasn't about to go into that house to retrieve it. Denmark probably wasn't even going to go back and retrieve his clothes.

The bellow that split the air from the open window shook the treetops and made even the moose (who had paused in his "menacing" of Denmark once Norway arrived; meese like salt as much as any other herbivore) stare upwards.

The woodland creature, being the most intimately acquainted with Sweden's moods, immediately turned tail and bolted into the woods.

Norway gave a nervous laugh, but was stopped from commenting when Denmark latched onto his chest, whimpering in terror now that the "devil moose" had gone. In spite of himself (and possibly a little because for once the trouble they were in was at least as much his own fault), Norway smiled softly, curling an arm protectively around his little lover's shoulders.

"Shall we get out of here before the rampaging Swede gets down?" He asked softly. Denmark whimpered into his chest, all exaltation at being the first (one of the first) people to get Iceland into an actual sexual encounter (because fuck it that definitely counted he wasn't being savaged by a moose for a maybe) completely gone.

It'd be back later, when he was bragging to Netherlands and his sister, but for now all he wanted was to snuggle up with his protector and maybe have a hot shower. A hot sexy shower. Yeah.

There was just one more pressing thing on his mind.

"Norway, it licked me! It has tasted my flesh and will come back for more!" He clutched desperately at that big strong chest as Norway's eyes expanded to the size of saucers.

Denmark ~was~ well covered in salty sweat and... other fluids.

The sheer relief when Denmark proffered his arm for examination nearly made Norway laugh, but that would be bad timing to say the least. Instead he carefully took the limb and pressed a gentle kiss to it.

"Moose aren't carnivores, love, it isn't going to bite you. I promise." His voice was soft and reassuring, but Denmark was not yet ready to be appeased.

"Then why did it lick me!" He was shaking just a little from terror at his most recent close encounter with the animal kingdom, and Norway bundled him up in his arms, skin to skin.

"Because you're my delectable little lover. Moose like salt, love. And right now, you are a walking salt cube. Remember the ones you saw at my house?" Learning about nature still had yet to make Denmark less afraid of it, but it was worth a shot. Denmark's lower lip wibbled, but he thought back to the white, well licked cubes on sticks and shivered.

"So it thinks I'm a lollipop?" He demanded just a trifle indignantly. This time Norway couldn't fight the grin.

"The most lovely little lollipop in the land. Now, how about you come home with me and we get you cleaned up?"

"Before more ~meese~ attack me?" Denmark demanded plaintively. A butterfly fluttered past, alighting on Norway's bare, sweaty shoulder, and Denmark froze.

"Before anything else happens," Norway sighed, scooping Denmark into his arms and jostling his shoulder just a little to dislodge the butterfly. Denmark nodded very quickly, staring around the landscape as though it might be full of nefarious creatures just waiting for him to let his guard down and come and steal his salt. As usual, Norway sternly maintained his warm, caring demeanour, and carried Denmark home. Maybe he'd do a little licking of his own.

HK: FOR THE RECORD: I asked twitter for help with Denmark's lovely unsexy monologue. AND NO ONE DID. You should all be ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES. Credit to Kessily for the fire hose and "manroot". Everything else is all me.


End file.
